A Life Lesson

I was on a train to London yesterday and opposite me were a family of five including a teenage girl with Down Syndrome. As is often the case she was physically very affectionate with her family, cuddling and snuggling with her older brothers and mother. Another thing I have often seen with patients of mine is that they engage unreservedly in eye contact. The look right at you, into you and hold your gaze. And then they smile. A smile of innocence and friendship. It means nothing more than that direct connection between two people and yet it always strikes me how it also unnerves many people.

This wee lass then looked across the carriage, caught and held my gaze and smiled. I smiled back and that was that. But I felt better. Not in a pitying or patronising way but simply that I had made a connection with someone. And then it struck me how the rest of the world are the ones missing out on this pleasure, that she was the one with compassion and generousness of spirit. I wandered out of the station and as I was thinking, I saw a lady stood in front of me, I looked at her, she caught my gaze and as I walked on she smiled. I smiled back. And it felt nice.

So, with a 15 minute walk ahead of me through busy London streets I set myself, that as I walked I would look everyone in the eyes as I passed by. The first thing I noticed was that no-one does. We all simply avoid the gaze. Some look past you, some look at something in the distance, some stare at the ground but everyone scans ahead. So I made a positive effort to actually pick the gaze of people coming towards me. Not interrogating or accusatory but simply looking. And as I walked I began to make contact with people. Often they simply looked away but one, then another looked back and every single one smiled. A quick smile meaning I know not what, but they smiled and I smiled back. And as I walked I looked and smiled and people smiled back, ten people. And I learned lots. I learned that we don't look at people. That people are actually very interesting and that people do connect even just in that fleeting moment as you pass by. I'll never see any of them ever again. I neither threatened nor criticised by my gaze but 10 people made me feel better than I felt before my walk and they all took something away from our encounter.

What's to lose? Just keep walking and look people in the eye and if they look back then smile. Imagine how good the world would be?