Nine lessons and carols

It's that time of year when lots of folk will end up in church for at least one service and the most likely format is the Nine Lessons and Carols. It's a sort of readings/favourite carols sandwich which all builds up to the climax of the Big day.

Without straying too far from the point I wondered if I could come up with a few things i've learnt over the year and a few bits of music to share too.

lesson 1.
the only person appraising you is yourself.

work has been fairly crappy for too many reasons to note but at least i thought my annual appraisal would be worth something. how wrong i was. a complete waste of time except for confirming to me that it is solely an exercise in ticking boxes. it taught me that, as an individual, i actually have very little value other than as a cog in the wheel of the machine and one that could and would be replaced if necessary. recognising for myself that i am important, that what i do is of value and that i can change these things that get me down has been a valueable lesson.

carol 1.
stellastarr* sweet troubled soul

lesson 2.
reach out and touch someone

there are too many lonely people in this world and lots of them are lonely because they really don't want you to have to bother about them because they themselves have a low self worth. sometimes people who seem distant, aloof, restrained, ignorant or isolated are just in fact shy. reach out and touch them. it happened to me and i'm grateful.

carol 2.
kasule. christie

lesson 3.
it takes effort to get fit

it's so annoyingly obvious but thinking about it, buying kit, planning sessions and imagining how much better you'll feel is no substitute for actually getting up and doing the exercise/session. just DO IT!!

carol 3.
sunparlour players. talk it to death

lesson 4.
anger is real but it can be controlled

something that shames and embarrasses me is my anger and temper. rather than simply hate it this year i have made positive steps to try and gain control of it. nothing is simple but one facet i have learnt to recognise is the "doomsday scenario" where i get upset having extrapolated a problem/conflict/issue/event to a huge and disproportionate outcome and then "justifiably" become angry. so something i have learnt this year is to restrict my attention and therefore response to the isolated article. amazingly, i don't get so angry as the car isn't going to crash into me and kill me in a ball of flame, the letter will not expose me as a fraud, the lack of manners does not actually demean me, rather the other person. i'm working on it.

carol 4.
john coltrane. my favourite things

lesson 5.
it's good to talk

too long have i been trapped inside my repressed, puritanical, self obsessed, opinionated, depressive shell. too long have i only expressed myself in term of love and anger with no middle ground. this year i am learning to talk a little. maybe this blog is part of it?

carol 5.
the jesus and mary chain. happy when it rains

lesson 6.
trying hard in photos never works

it's a sad fact of life that as we age bits of us don't age the way we'd like them to. it has always been a blessing to me not going bald but i could do without that fullness of face. looking up, raising my chain, trying hard just makes me look stupid and not actually the person the folk around me see. in fact the best photos are relaxed, candid even. smile!

carol 6.
arcade fire. intervention

lesson 7.
lack of self worth is worthless.

i don't know why i have this problem but i simply wish i didn't. whether it is partly taken on as a defence or part humilty or part madness i do not know. but when it gets mixed in with anger and conflict and all the rest the outcome is something worse than the sum of the whole. we all have worth and for me, that worth is what others see in me, not the opposite. there are clearly folk who view themselves as the centre of the universe or the most attractive person around and they clearly could do with correction but when it comes down to not even valuing yourself because you wish or know you could be better, then the little value you even perceive you have is devalued further.

carol 7.
constantines. live in fear

lesson 8.
forgiveness comes before justice or apology

despite all that is written above, there is no doubt that the last few years have not been the best in terms of work and relationships with colleagues. i went to an old boss's memorial service and apart from being moved by the tributes for someone who clearly was a great man it struck me that my own future is being stifled by my lack of forgiveness and unwillingness to move forward. so here it is; i forgive you George, i don't know why you did what you did but I'm going to move on.

carol 8.
mogwai. you don't know jesus

lesson 9.
relax and have fun.

seriously! however you want to (within reason). sometimes i just get so uptight and fretful and angry it's crazy. it stops me doing anything worthwhile. i've (eventually) learnt that to kick back, turn on some music, maybe get a beer, a few friends and relax. it puts life into a whole different perspective.

relax; you're worth it!

happy christmas, wherever you are.

carol 9.
bruce springsteen. santa claus is coming to town



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